(Note: I wrote this about a month ago. I am posting it today. Our church has been studying through Second Corinthians...we talked about boasting in weakness this morning.)
So, I am dragging my soap box out of the corner. I try not to use it. Really. But sometimes, it is necessary. So on a frustrating day, I opened up Facebook looking for happy people. You know, the pictures of you at the beach, park, with your kids, grand kids, whatever. Just something fun and cute. Not what I found. Instead I found a link to a blog post. Since so many people I know had "liked" it or re-posted I decided to click it. Bad idea. And then I read it. If you want to read it, I will include a link.
In case you don't want to read it, I will hit the main points.
Motherhood is the most competitive thing ever
Social media makes the competition worse and places unfair standards
Motherhood is full of guilt
Definition of "good mom" from another blogger
Answer: boast in weakness instead of strength
Men shouldn't blog about mothers. They just shouldn't. I might cut a little slack for men who are the sole provider of care for their children 30+ waking hours a week. I know a few dads in this category, but not many of them. I don't think the author of this article falls into that set. Even if he does, I said I would cut slack, not give a free pass. I clicked through to the article by "Julian" and couldn't even finish reading it. The good mom definition is wrong.
"And whatever you do, if you are a good mom, you must make sure you get
it all on camera so you can post the pictures on Facebook and the ideas
on Pinterest to let everyone know you’re keeping up. Plus, you should
probably earn some income (at the very least, open an Etsy shop) to
prove you’re not inferior to the women around you who hold down jobs." - Julian
It might define some moms but it is narrow. And I could define any vocation in a way that would offend and divide. A narrow, petty view of motherhood doesn't do much to advance the Kingdom of God.
I tried rereading the article. Thinking about it as though a woman wrote it. No dice. Still don't agree. I tried thinking through the first quote (see above) in the article, which takes the idea of motherhood on display and vilifies it. Seriously, the first time I read it I thought, that has to be sarcasm. Nope. Even if mothers are using blogs, Facebook, and other social media to proclaim what their family is doing, it isn't necessarily wrong. The author assigns motive. The standards aren't from the internet only. They are in every persons' head. Even if you were the best, you wouldn't think you were. He either doesn't understand internet or is incredibly naive. Most women know that the "Facebook" front is not where they air their dirty laundry, so likely other women aren't as perfect as they look either. If you post about your clean house, that means you are excited it is clean (read between the lines, "the house is never this clean"). There are many women who use social media to keep up long distance relationships with family and friends. Others use it to glean or share ideas. Not with spite or trying to show how great they are, but genuine excitement about their own family and love for others.
Families in the United States don't operate the way of the past or other parts of the world. There aren't multiple generations of woman to learn directly from through close communities. Most families move on a regular basis. There aren't quilting bees and knitting circles (I am like the least crafty person ever, so I don't even know if that is what you call them). We live several hours from family. Currently, my mom is on the other side of the world (12 hours difference). You can't say that what we have in the internet is bad. It is just different. And it is all in how each individual uses it.
Mommy Guilt: Buying the "I'm not a good mommy" line is the same as buying the "I'm not a good Christian" line. It is a fallacy of false choice. The guilt exudes from the thought that if you aren't a good mommy, then you are a bad mommy. But it isn't either/or. Motherhood is a vocation. There are good days, bad days, and mediocre days. Watching my Facebook feed after this article came out, there were many moms who started posting "weaknesses." It is in quotes for a reason. Weaknesses as stated in the article do not include what you feed your kids, not taking them for ice cream or to the zoo, not what brand of clothes they do or don't wear, not the type of music you play, or whether you drank coffee while pregnant.
The weakness that should be pointed out in our lives is our dependence on God.
That weakness is a good thing. It isn't about the stuff, activities, blogs, and Facebook. I think the author may have had good intentions when he sat down to write (most people do), but it seems that too many readers missed the point about weakness (both in their comments below his post and their opinions on Facebook).
Now, for his subject matter. Competition. Maybe I am alone on this one. (Probably not, there are a lot of people in the world.) I don't view motherhood as a competition. I don't view being a spouse as a competition. I don't care if your house is clean, although I will "like" it if you post pictures because you should be proud of your accomplishments. When your kid says their first word, I will gladly comment. It doesn't matter if it is at nine months or three years. First steps, first words, pregnancy, loss, love, marriage, hurt, pain, heartache, they are all things we want to share. We (or maybe just me) have a tendency to share the happy in public and the difficult in private, but we all share in our own way and own time. It is just that instead of sitting around a table with my friends, I can share with my Maid of Honor who is in Indonesia, my mom in China, my friends from college spread throughout Macedonia, Germany, Japan, Albania, Russia, South Korea, Hong Kong, and the United States (and a few other countries I can't recall at the moment). I love them all. Hearing what they are doing brings me great joy. I want to encourage them and share special moments. Remind them I am praying for them. Ship care packages. But without things like Facebook, I would never keep up with address, moves, new babies, and friends from long ago.
So don't get mad when I post pictures or status updates. It is an outlet to let you know what is going on. An opportunity for you to participate in our lives. So come take an active role. Comment, post, "like". Call us up, talk to us, invite us along on your journey, spend time with us, text us.
Life is meant to be lived out loud.
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